5 things about me on a Monday morning

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1.Jesus is my everything.

I began a personal relationship with Jesus when I was a sophomore in High School and I truly grow into an understanding of that every single day. I will never understand it all, never hit a point of not always wondering, always learning, and some days still doubting what my head tells me despite what my heart knows to be true. But I have learned His grace is so much greater than I can fathom. No matter the mess I am or the mess I make His love is greater than I’ll ever deserve. I stand on these two feet daily only by His strength and His mercies, I am nothing without Jesus.

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2. Being a mom is my favorite (& hardest) thing in the whole world.

My two girls are pure joy to me (most days, but joy and frustration are intermingled, right?!?) They are what gets me going in the morning and what keeps me on my knees every single day. I couldn’t think of anything I love more, but it is also, hands down, absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. If I didn’t realize my desperate need for Jesus each day before I became a mom, I did when my heart was taken out of my chest and now walks around in two separate people. I adore watching them grow into each stage of life and teaching me as I grow with them. They are my heart. If you think you are proud try hanging out with a 5-year-old with brutal honesty, it’ll knock you down a few notches real quick.

 

3. I am a perfectionist.

That’s a loaded statement. Let me just be real, I have worked on and waited on this blog for the “right” moment to launch it and for it to be absolutely perfect to press publish. For as many years as I have been a perfectionist I still haven’t figured out that no amount of control I try to exert onto a situation will make it perfect (or give me any sense of control for that matter.) I am in a constant state of trying to balance perfection with realism. My closet is color coded according to season and with perfect spacing between each hanger, that I can control. Other people’s actions, thoughts, perceptions and what not are totally out of my control. I am trying to learn to let loose and just be. In this crazy world its hard to just “be” and not try to control what’s going on around us. I’m still learning to “let it go,” but until then you can find me organizing my closet because that’s the one space that no one seems to undo my efforts and it brings me great peace.

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4. I fight to stay “recovered” every single day.

It’s not secret that I have struggled with an eating disorder. I want to be open and honest about it because I know many aren’t and even in my struggles I want people to see there IS hope. Recovering from an Eating Disorder is a LONG process, maybe even life-long, but I still fight daily to be recovered. I began struggling with bulimia when I was in early high school and if anyone would have told me that 20 years later it would still rear its ugly head in different ways I would have never believed it. But here I am, mid-30’s and “normal” is simply not a word I can relate to in terms of food. I try so hard every single day to stay in a good place. Usually I am, but some days you win, some days you lose and at times I have to fight harder than others to stay on top of things. I’ll continue to talk about this throughout this writing journey because it is so intricately woven into my entire story, but again, if not for grace….I wouldn’t be here today. This is such a raw and vulnerable place for me in my journey, but it is mine and I am learning to own it for what it is. He has been too good to me even in my failings. An eating disorder does not define me, it is simply part of my story.

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5. I am an extrovert with introvert tendencies.

As I have gotten older I realize the value of time by myself and actually enjoy time alone, to hear my thoughts. After days filled with the noise of kids, the demands of life, the TV’s, music, and so much else, quiet is such a rare thing. I treasure it. Years ago I would have picked hanging out with a group of people any day over being alone. Now, I cherish one on one time with a friend, a coffee date, a lunch to catch up. I value the time I get to spend with God when the world allows me to slip away and just be. I learn a lot about myself in these alone times. I am the type that can go to dinner, a movie, or even visit a new town alone and I am fine. I find conversations with strangers easy, but can also simply be present in a moment and enjoy it for what it is, with or without someone. I love people, but have found solace in time alone these last few years. I guess you could say I’m a recovering extrovert.

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Comments

  1. paula Eberle says:

    So happy I found this blog !!!
    I can’t wait to read and catch up, you sound like a positive person that is not afraid to hide her story. I love it when people help and heal through their story !!

    • Thanks! I am happy you are here as well 🙂 I hope you enjoy my ramblings and that you see more of Jesus in my story!

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